My 10 worst taxi rides and how to avoid each one

         As I’ve alluded to in previous blog posts, getting into taxis in other countries hasn’t always gone well for me. This post will provide a summary of my top 10 worst experiences and how my readers can avoid each scenario. This will countdown backwards down to the worst.

10) The “mini” car – I once arrived at an airport near Victoria Falls, Zambia only to find that the only available taxi was a 2 door really compact car. Since our hostel was only a mile or so down the road, we decided it was a good idea to get a ride. Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable ride! I couldn't put my feet on the ground based on no legroom whatsoever. I put my knees up on the back of the passenger front seat and endured it. I remember it looking something like this:

How to avoid it: Don’t get in if you are afraid from a safety perspective! Be especially careful about longer taxi rides when a tour operator is involved. Wait to see the taxi before agreeing to ride in it. You might find that the ride is super uncomfortable or has no AC, but when you've already agreed and paid it's much harder to back out.  

 

9) The scary ride – Taxi drivers have apparently desensitized themselves to dangerous driving. One particular taxi ride to and from Katmandu, Nepal, the taxi driver was swerving in and out of traffic, speeding through cross walks and dangerous curves, and using the shoulders to pass other cars. My heart rate would increase each time I thought we’d crash into oncoming traffic. Fortunately, I don’t get motion sickness easily, but that would have been a concern too on the mountain road we were on. I felt a little bit like a kid on a roller coaster.

 

 

How to avoid it: You won’t be able to, unless you can convince your driver to slow down. You can always offer a larger tip for being safer.

8) The non-English speaker – In almost every non-English speaking country, it’s unlikely that you’ll find bilingual taxi drivers without searching for one. This can be an issue if you get dropped off in the wrong location. When I arrived at 2 AM in Dubai, UAE I ended up a few blocks from the lobby of my 12 building hotel. Since my taxi driver's English was deficient, I wasn't able to communicate to him that he should stick around. Fortunately, I survived to blog about it.

         On my most recent trip to Mexico, our driver gave us a tour of the Pyramids of the Sun and the Moon. Unfortunately, his English was so limited that he wasn’t able to tell us much about well…anything. We were surprised to learn that he’d been giving tours for 10 years, but apparently mostly in Spanish!

How to avoid it: Bring a copy of the address of the destination you are going to in the native language of the country you are in. If you are hiring a taxi for the day, ask to speak with them prior to making the commitment. There is nothing worse than being in a taxi all day with someone you can’t communicate with.  

7) The tourist rate – Invariably, if you look like a tourist and the taxi is not metered, the driver will ask for a high amount compared to what locals are charged. We arrived very late at night to the airport in Papeete, Tahiti and needed to get to our hotel. We didn’t know exactly how far our hotel was, so we negotiated ~$20 for the ride. Two minutes later we were there. The hotel was within walking distance of the airport.

 

How to avoid it: Find a metered taxi or do your homework and find out from the hotel the average taxi cost to the hotel. Many hotels have shuttles if you arrange it in advance.

6) The per person trick – I was travelling with a friend from Petra, Jordan to Aqaba over an hour away. As we went out searching for a taxi, we already knew what it should cost based on previous research on the internet. As we asked someone if they knew where we could find a taxi, a guy volunteered to take us to the city at about 10% less than what we thought it would be. Unfortunately, as we arrived at our destination he informed us that the rate he quoted was per person. Don’t worry, we didn’t pay it.

How to avoid it: Either take a metered taxi or make sure in advance that the rate is for everybody.

5) The detour – This scenario has happened to me multiple times in multiple countries. The taxi driver decides that we are making an unscheduled stop at a souvenir shop. Essentially, he has tourists in his control so he will send business the way of his friends. If we happen to buy anything, the taxi driver gets a cut. Don’t try and talk them out of stopping. Even bus drivers with 40+ passengers are in on this.

How to avoid it: You can’t unless you can persuade the driver that you are running late to catch a plane. You can always buy nothing at the shop, but expect the taxi driver to not be very cheerful the rest of the way.

4) The “I don’t have change” trick – A common mistake made by tourists is to change money at the airport where they receive very large bills. The problem is that dishonest taxi drivers are not going to have change. They will accept the large bill and you’ll either have to make change somewhere or just relent. This has happened a couple times to me.

How to avoid it: Ask for smaller bills at the exchange place and expect to overpay slightly.

3) The fight and lie – This one morning we got out of our hotel in Aqaba, Jordan and there were two taxis waiting outside our hotel. The drivers were standing next to each other and we told them where we needed to go. Both drivers wanted our business, so we stood and waited for them to determine who would take us. What happened next was an altercation. They were standing close, yelling, and looking like they wanted to fight. They finally started a bidding war in our favor! Each driver kept lowering their price until the other driver wouldn’t go any lower. After we finally got into our taxi, the driver reversed course and raised the price back up to what he quoted us in the beginning.

How to avoid it: We were passive about which taxi we wanted, so being proactive in choosing could have made a big difference.

2) The salesman – In one of my longer non-metered taxi rides (from Petra, Jordan to Aqaba - this is the same as #6 above) I learned that the taxi driver was a tour operator. For the entire ride down, I got an earful about the tours that he was offering despite the fact that I told him that my schedule did not permit. We took our unscheduled stop to the souvenir shop and bought nothing. Needless to say, he was pretty upset at the end when we declined his tour operating services and pulled the per person trick on us. The reason why this is #2 on my list is because he used high pressure sales tactics during the more than one hour ride, which aggravated me more than dishonesty at the end of the ride.

How to avoid it: Take a metered taxi or hope for a language barrier

 

1) The combination – On one unforgettable taxi ride, my brother and I needed to get to the Taj Mahal from New Delhi after we missed the morning train. We found a tour operator who had a taxi driver on staff. We prepaid the amount for the ride to the tour operator. Unfortunately, the taxi driver had the world’s worst attitude. As we drove along and ran into traffic, the driver realized that he was in for a long day. Thus, he tried everything to convince us that we didn’t need to go all the way to the Taj Mahal or we'd miss our flight for sure. First, he said that the replica Taj Mahal is the equivalent of going to the real thing and then tried to sell the virtues of other attractions along the way. As I shot down each of his suggestions, he got really angry and overbearing. We got into a shouting match. He finally relented, but told us that we only had 10 minutes to spend at the Taj Mahal or he'd leave without us. We told him to wait and fortunately he did (after an hour). Of course, after all of his fuss we got back to the airport earlier than we could even check in. As we got out of the car, the driver had the gall to hold onto our bags until we tipped him. I deemed him the world’s worst taxi driver. I should have been forewarned by the name of the touring agency as below:

How to avoid it: You sometimes just get a dud. Unless you do your vetting before the trip even starts, you might be leaving it to chance.

 

Conclusions: Taxi rides and drivers can be a potential source of aggravation on trips. Be prepared to be bold with them. Many of them take advantage of tourists, because most are passive. You can choose your own philosophy, but just remember that taxis are merely a means to an end and don't have to ruin your day or trip. 

How to approach making important career decisions

        I read a blog post earlier today from the Harvard Business Review that takes the position that we shouldn't worry so much about making the right decision, but spending more time and energy ensuring that the decision will turn out well for us after we've already made it. The blog makes that important point and then acknowledges that the decision should be both rational and emotion based. I will add my two cents to the topic and make a few additional points. 

       I know a bunch of people right now who are in jobs that they are unsatisfied with. As they complain about their jobs, they also mention that they haven't made any effort whatsoever to find a new job. What they, of course, realize (but do nothing about) is that there is a strong correlation between opportunities to change course and our effort to find them. If you don't exert effort to find new opportunities there are unlikely to be any big decisions to make. Giving lip service to a new or better career path isn't enough.

Should you care greatly about your first career job?

        In the beginning of our careers we have to force the issue and pick a path to pay the bills, which means you have to answer this one question: Would you rather be on a job search longer in search of the perfect job or take an imperfect job that allows you to get by financially and learn a few things that can be built on? Beggars can't be choosers in this economy, particularly if you have no experience.

       What if you make the wrong choice and your first job bites? Here's a dirty little secret: almost everybody's first jobs were torturous in some ways. Bottom of the totem pole employees usually end up doing the menial work nobody else wants to do, so your days are likely to be filled with hours and hours of mindless tasks.

 

        It's not all bad though. To provide some context, my first 9-6 job wasn't particularly great. My budget was barely manageable based on a meager salary level, I made a lot of mistakes in my work product, and had a lot of menial tasks to perform. Despite the drawbacks, I learned a lot about professionalism, new skills were developed, and I learned to navigate office dynamics. All of the growing pains from my 13 months at that job make me a stronger employee even today in my current job. There is value in getting your feet wet even if the job is ultimately unrelated to your long-term ambitions and you have mostly busy work on your plate.

What if I miss my calling in life?

         There are a lot of very religious people in my network who have the added stress of believing that the work they do or career they choose will either help them fufill the purpose of their existence or they will miss the mark completely. That is a ton of stress to think that your existence hinges on picking the right career! I don't agree at all with this conclusion. All but a few people will work in jobs with very little relevance to the grand scheme of things. There are some exceptions, but not many people are lucky or talented enough to change the world dramatically because of their life's work. 

        A particularly good speech with a ton of great advice was given in 2010 on this topic at my alma mater. The speaker opined that if we make good life choices about amplifying the gifts and talents we have through various jobs in our early career, we will gradually and unintentionally be lead to a fulfilling profession that leverages our strengths.

 

 

        One of my earliest blog posts mentioned the commencement speeches of Stephen Colbert and Conan O'Brien wherein they stated that they could not have predicted where they would end up in their careers. They both improvised and reinvented their visions of the future as they went along. The key was that they both worked hard for years and years, which eventually put them in a position to take advantage of jobs that didn't exist when they first started their careers.   

What if I run into a mulligan scenario?

         As we get further along in our careers and our resumes become stronger and stronger, there will likely be opportunities to switch to new jobs. It's certainly possible that you'll eventually get lured into a job with more pay/benefits, but where you are simply a bad fit (personality clash with co-workers or the boss, long hours, assigned work is not what you signed up for, etc.). No matter how much homework you do in advance on a specific company, "bad fits" do happen.

 

 

         What will that do to your resume if you are with a company for 6 months or less? That depends on your career work history. If you've switched jobs 3 times in 3 years, that will be hard to explain away. Companies don't like to invest in job hoppers. On the other hand, if you've worked at your previous company for 3+ years, it will be much easier to explain a mulligan to the next employer who interviews you.

Making the "Best" Choice?

         The blog post I mentioned in the opening paragraph makes the point that it's somewhat impossible to know what the best choice is if we are weighing multiple options. I agree with the author that we definitely don't have a time machine to move forward in time choosing each option and seeing where it takes us. We have to make a judgment call weighing the pros and cons and picking the one that we think will lead us to the best outcome. We do this by envisioning life if we choose each option and see how we feel about each of those scenarios. It's still somewhat of a guessing game, because there just isn't enough information usually to accurately assess future situations.

          Among my religious friends, the general pattern for making a decision is as follows: 1) do your homework, 2) make a decision, 3) pray for divine guidance whether it's the right choice, and 4) wait for an answer that the decision resonates with the heart, mind and spirit of the person making the decision. The last one is sometimes the hardest step, but seems to agree with the aforementioned blog post about paying attention to both how you feel and the logical reasoning. The third step seems to be the biggest difference. 

 

Conclusion

         No matter what your methodology is to determining your career path, you need to find job opportunities and make decisions to move forward. Don't worry if your early career jobs aren't very fulfilling, because it may just be a slow build up to something bigger in the future. We all have to start somewhere.   





Recommendations for first time home buyers

        One survey I read recently considers buying a house more stressful than having a child and switching jobs and nearly on par with getting married or divorced. Why is everybody so stressed? It's primarily because there are really a lot of factors to think about and missing one important detail can set you back financially at a considerable level. Even very sophisticated buyers are susceptible to making mistakes. Nonetheless, there are a few recommendations you should consider before buying that might save your bacon.

Do a “rent versus buy”analysis – The first step in determining whether buying a house is in your best interest is to compare the alternative of renting. This means getting out a spreadsheet that calculates and compares your future house payment including principal, interest, insurance, and property taxes against your rental payments. You’ll also want to determine the amount of the mortgage loan interest deduction that you’ll be able to take on your federal and state income taxes. If your overall tax liability each year is low based on your income level and other deductions, the mortgage interest deduction may do absolutely nothing to save you money.

        Once you know your after tax house payment, compare it against your current rental payment. You should be able to connect the dots from there.

Tip: If the compared rental payment and house payment are about the same, you’ll need to consider other factors like flexibility. If you decide to move within a couple years of moving in, you may have to eat five figures in transaction costs to sell your house. If you plan to stay for a couple decades and have a stable job, then the comparable rental rates are less relevant.

Does the house profile as a good rental property? If you’ve completed the analysis of whether buying the house is cheaper than renting, you may want to determine whether the house can be converted into a solid rental property. This can be particularly useful if you leave abruptly for a new job, get married or just need a change of scenery. Since nobody can predict where the real estate market will be in a year, you will want to have the fallback option of renting your house out in case the market is down when you want to sell. If your house would bring in a positive cash flow if you rented it out, the worst case scenario of buying is mitigated somewhat.

See if you qualify for a loan – It doesn’t make sense to go house shopping if you can’t qualify for a loan to buy one. You’ll need to have enough money for a down payment and have a verified income. I’d visit with a mortgage broker to learn your options rather than just applying through a bank. If you’ve never bought a house before, it may make sense to learn the qualifications to buy a couple years before your purchase so you can save the money to be qualified. Not all homes are move-in ready, which means you may want to do some painting, carpet work, and other minor repairs before moving in. Furnishings and improvements should also be considered.

Tip: Be careful about dealing with mortgage brokers. The barriers are really low to become qualified to become a mortgage broker and they are in a very cyclical industry, so some brokers don’t know what they’re doing while others are just plain dishonest particularly when business is slow. They only get paid if you commit to a loan, so they may tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth. Beware of inept and/or dishonest brokers.

Buy a house within your means as you define it and not what you can qualify – The biggest takeaway from 2005-06 real estate bubble was that some lenders are off their rocker. Some lenders gambled that borrowers would hit the lottery, because they lent money foolishly to borrowers who with almost no ability to repay the loan.  Just because a bank will give you the money to buy a house doesn’t mean you should take it.  It’s your life and you should be prudent about not becoming house poor (the payment on your house is so big that you can’t afford anything else) or signing your name on a promissory note that you have no hope of repaying based on your current income. There are endless amounts of nightmare stories of people who can attest to not letting the lenders dictate the house they buy. You also shouldn’t bank on future raises and two incomes to qualify for your house. The Dodd-Frank Act phasing in next year might negate some of the worry about lenders offering loans to mediocre buyers.

Be prepared to ride out market fluctuations – Even though home price appreciation can be aggressive in certain area, nobody should be buying a house primarily due to that reason. This was the biggest mistake people made in the market bubble in 2005-06. They saw the market skyrocketing, so they jumped on bandwagon near the top. While some people jumped off and made out like bandits, the majority of homeowners ended up really far underwater i.e. their house was worth a lot less than what they could sell it for. Buy a house at a level that you can afford and be prepared to not care much about market fluctuations over the life of your loan.

Buy when the market is down – There are a lot of people in my network who bought their first house in the last ten years. Depending on who you talk to, it was either a really great decision or a really poor decision. The ones who bought in 2004-09 in rollercoaster markets usually regretted it, but the ones who bought before then or after then usually did well. On your first house, you should be taking a conservative approach to buying real estate. This may take some patience, but it will be worth it. Just remember that it’s a bad business risk to try and buy when the market is clearly up and hope that you can sell before the music stops. Don’t do that.

Avoid HOAs in most cases – There is one uncertainty about buying a house in an HOA community: you don’t know whether the HOA fees will skyrocket. If your idea is to buy the house to live in during retirement, you want to reduce holding costs to a minimum. In communities that are more established and the HOA fees have been stable, it’s less of a risk. However, your house will always be more attractive to more buyers without an HOA fee.

Should singles buy? Absolutely. If singles can afford to buy, it will always be a positive to own a house as long as it isn't underwater. If the house is underwater, you’d have to either sell at a loss, take a negative cash flow by converting the house into a rental property or take a bowling ball to your credit score through a short sale or foreclosure. On the other hand, having a good rental property is a great vehicle for retirement if the single decides to marry.

 
Other factors to consider:
• Spend extra on the inspection to ensure that you aren’t buying a money pit. You don't want any surprises after you pay for the house and are the new owner.

 

• Consider your target market when you want to sell.  Low end houses are the easiest to sell, but going too small can limit your market. Very few buyers are interested in a 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom model. Likewise, very large high end homes only draw a limited market.

• Be prepared to walk away from any house you offer on. Some people get fixated on a single house and are willing to overpay to get it. Although it’s good to have a strong interest in buying your first house, it’s still a business transaction. Be prepared to walk away if the monetary terms aren’t justified by the surrounding market.

• Taking your time to read through all the paperwork of the transaction will help you have a better peace of mind about the terms of your transaction rather than relying on others highly interested in the commission (mortgage broker/ real estate agent) to tell you terms that don’t exist in your contract. The contracts you sign dictate the deal, not the conversations before it.

• Do your homework on your real estate agent and mortgage broker. Their reputations and track record can either be an asset or a liability.

• Schools matter to most people even if they don’t to you. Being a bad school district can limit the market to sell your house.

Conclusion – Buying a house for the first time is a major life event. The house will be your place of abode and where you’ll live your life for the foreseeable future. You should care deeply about the outcome. Your effort and level of due diligence should correspond to your interest in the outcome. If you do your homework and give consideration to the recommendations in this post, the transaction may turn out even better than expected.

The 9 categories of men who are postponing marriage

         Before I jump into this topic, I will provide the caveat that this was covered by request. The person who requested this topic wanted to know why so many men are postponing the marriage decision. While I am no expert, I have observed some general trends relating to my own demographic. Most single men will probably fall into one or more of the 9 categories below:

 

 1) The“scaredy” man – According to a survey done at my alma mater, the far and away #1 reason for marriage postponement was “the fear of making a mistake.” Singles (both men and women) are out there scared to death of marriage. The only safe approach is to run away from marriage all together.

         Some of the rest of the remaining categories in this post are drivers of either the fear of marriage or dating. It's not an easy decision to put yourself out there on the chopping block particularly if you've had your heart broken multiple times. Even more difficult is to make the decision that will have a ripple effect on the rest of your life particularly if you make the wrong choice i.e. to get married.

    

Recommendation: While it’s true that many marriages end up failing, there is no true growth while remaining stagnant in the single life. There is also no way to take away all the risks associated with getting married no matter how perfect a person you meet. The only things you can control are becoming the best you can be and not being foolish about ignoring the red flags of your future spouse. In the end, it’s really a “leap of faith” to make the marriage decision submitting yourself to your spouse's agency.

2) The“exhausted” man – In most of life’s endeavors, there is a correlation between effort and success. The harder you try the more success you find. That principle doesn’t necessarily apply in the dating world. In fact, trying too hard can be a detriment.

         Men sometimes come out of the proverbial gate enthusiastic and optimistic about dating, but over time as their relationships fall apart time and time again, these emotions get replaced by frustration and pessimism. Rather than subject themselves to more rejection, awkwardness, and humiliation, they’d rather sit on the sidelines where it is safe. I will quote Dr. Judith Sills on this topic:

Singles over the age of twenty five must often cope with the long-term scars left by painful romantic experiences...After a series of connections that somehow fail to come to fruition, people often feel a sense of personal failure, that whatever went wrong is their fault. And often, their response is to withdraw. They give up the attempt, retreating to their apartments, spending time in the safe world of close friends, diving into their work. They give up because the whole courtship ritual is too painful, too humiliating, too frustrating.

Recommendation: The sidelines are a nice, quiet, and safe environment to be, but the end result of sitting out is very predictable, namely a lifetime of remaining single. Thus, it really comes down to making a choice between the 100% certainty of remaining single by sitting on the sidelines or making an attempt to date, exposing yourself to rejection, failure, awkwardness and frustration, but possibly finding a suitable marriage opportunity that changes your life forever.

 

3) The “unwanted” men –Some men are largely unwanted by females, due to being some combination of physically unattractive, having an unattractive personality, being socially inept, or having an inability to support a family. There are hundreds of reasons why a man isn't dating or marriage material. Some women can’t put into words why they like a particular guy. A guy either has “it” or he doesn’t. “It” appears to be the total package of what she is looking for. She likes the guy if he has “it.”If she doesn’t think the guy has “it,” there could be a variety of reasons why.

        

          It’s easy to lose confidence in dating based on too many consecutive rejections and/or a track record of failure. One of the most well-known older LDS singles, Sheri Dew, said it this way from a women's perspective: "Whatever it is that attracts guys. I still haven't figured that out yet. You see all your friends getting married, every size and shape of friend gets married but you. It internalizes in you that there must be something defective in you...but at some point you have to come to terms with who you are in life…"

Recommendation: Being an unwanted marriage prospect now doesn't make that your final destiny. Some of the men unwanted by women are actually good potential husbands, but are eliminated consistently for superficial reasons. Figure out what those reasons are and fix whatever is within your control. Sometimes, it just takes an exhaustive search to find the 1 out of 100 that you have reciprocal feelings of affection for.

4) The “complacent” man – One of my friends had set himself up rather nicely during his single years. He found a room with free rent and had a company car at his disposal. His location allowed him to meet new women on a regular basis. His flexible job easily paid for his expenses plus allowed for discretionary income. The single life was quite comfortable for him. Other singles travel freely and buy frivilous things. I've heard countless times from other singles that "I'm happy being single" as an excuse to stop trying.

 

Recommendation: Despite my friend’s ideal life, he got married. Why? He wanted to grow up and become happier. Although being young and single can be pretty great, it's less appealing being old and single. And then there's the principle that marriage potentially brings about a higher level of happiness. In fact, Gordon B. Hinckley said it this way: “there is no greater happiness than is found in the most meaningful of all human relationships—the companionships of husband and wife and parents and children.”

5) The “worldly” man – Some men don't want to risk losing 1/2 their assets by getting married (thereby subjecting themselves to divorce) and find girlfriends that provide them similar benefits to marriage. They live a selfish life instead. They get rich, but don’t develop any long-term relationships. They will have their heart set on something like this rather than a life of sacrifice for a future family:

 

Recommendation: Being single and obtaining wealth is a trajectory that a man can decide to take. He can get the biggest house, the nicest car, and have the most toys, but what kind of life is that really? His friends will someday be playing with their kids and grandkids, while the selfish guy will be by himself in a nursing home. That may be a little harsh and maybe even hyperbolic, but there is some truth to it.

6) The “unrealistic” man – Many men don’t have a handle on what they have to offer compared to those they are chasing. This can be a real challenge in the dating scene. If men's expectations exceed reality, it's going to be a debacle most of the time.

Recommendation: Some men spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about the traits that we want in a spouse, yet it’s the characteristics that they actually possess that are going to attract someone that is high caliber. We should be obsessing about self-improvement over just making a long list of demands that are unrealistic compared to what we have to offer. Most picky people are trying to attract other picky people, so the scrutiny goes both ways. 


7) The eternal “shopper” man – Men in demand struggle to narrow down their options always believing there is a bigger and better deal around the corner. This mentality is compounded by being able to get dates online, so even if all the local options dry up they can contact women in other areas. It's tough to force the music to stop when you have an endless stream of dating opportunities. Instead of focusing on moving forward, they eliminate each woman for trivial reasons and play the field endlessly. 

Recommendation: It's going to be tough to move forward in a relationship until the day a man decides that the woman he's going to marry will be imperfect. The truth is the bigger, better deal isn't really out there. Once that realization hits, the decision needs to be made to give each woman a legitimate chance and stop eliminating them for trivial reasons.  

8) The non-apparent “issues” man – Some men don't think they are suitable for marriage even though outwardly women want them. This could be a lack of confidence to support a family, having issues that aren't seen by women (addictions, health problems, being deep in debt, or having skeletons in their closet). These issues are going to be a tough sell, so some men just stop trying knowing that eventually the issue will be revealed. These men won't have signs on their foreheads that detail their issues like this guy:

 

 

Recommendation: Everybody has issues. Many issues are actually more easily resolved married than while single. Although some issues are really hard to gain acceptance for, we won't know unless we try. It's amazing what people will accept if they enjoy our companionship.

9) The “no dating skills” man – some men don't know how to date effectively. Even if they have a lot to offer, they can come across poorly and women walk away in droves. There are so many verbal and non-verbal signals that are sent on dates that men need to understand what they are projecting. If they can't confidently sell themselves, it will be challenging to attract a woman for the long haul.

 

Recommendation: Some men get lucky that they ask someone out who overlooks their dating skill deficiencies. Most men, however, should try and learn the basics of manners, etiquette, and conversation. That might push them far enough along to have a legitimate shot at getting into a relationship that could lead to marriage.

 

Conclusion: The reasons for men postponing marriage are usually complex and multi-faceted. Some of the reasons for postponement may be self inflicted, while other reasons are clearly outside their control. Each man is on a very personal journey, so whatever the reasons for his single status leave him to chart his own course.  

Tips for traveling on a shoestring budget

       One of the most common misconceptions about traveling is that it can't be done on a shoestring budget. This blog post will provide tips on how to save money when you plan your next trip. There are 5 basic categories of travel expenses that I'll cover.

1) Airfare - The biggest hurdle to most people booking a flight is the expense of getting from point A (where you are now) to point B (where you want to go to). For the purpose of this exercise, we're going to assume that I'm looking for a round trip flight from San Francisco to Copenhagen, Denmark. Here are a few tips on minimizing the cost of airfare:

Don't do that: Be inflexible with your plans. If you want to take a non-stop flight to your destination during the high season using exact dates, you might find that you pay extra for those conveniences.  Cheapest fare from July 4-13, 2014 (my preferred dates): $1531

The just OK route: Jump on a search engine like kayak.com and book the cheapest flight during a range of dates during the high season. This isn't necessarily a bad approach, it's just that airlines know that their planes will sell out during the high season so there are rarely any super deals. Cheapest fare in June, 2014: $1188

Better: Research the off-peak season for your destination and then patiently wait for a cheap fare. If you are patient and don't mind going in a non-summer month like May or September, you can save several hundred dollars. I check flyertalk.com almost every day to see what deals pop up. Keep in mind that the fringe weather months are where the superdeals are at (October-November and February-March)  Cheapest fare in May, 2014: $785.

It may be good to keep an open mind about both destination and timing, because occasionally incredible fares pop up when you least expect it. Here are a few examples of some very good all-inclusive fares I've either booked or seen:

- Round trip Chicago to Istanbul for $450
- Round trip Philadelphia to Rome for $500
- Round trip San Francisco to Anchorage for $298
- Round trip San Francisco to Hawaii for $350 

Keep in mind, the savings may not be worth it if you land in a blizzard. However, there are some places with mild enough winters to make the difference negligible like Hawaii.

Best: Use frequent flyer miles to book to your destination of choice. Cheapest Fare in February, 2014: $61 plus 30,000 miles.

As I wrote in a previous post, you don't necessarily need to fly often to collect frequent flyer miles and tickets. Signing up for credit cards and collecting rewards can net you a free round trip ticket to Europe for doing next to nothing. After you look at the award charts of different airlines, you'll see that certain times of year require far less miles than others. Also, be mindful of booking fees since they can vary greatly. My next trip to Spain will cost me 15,000 miles plus the $61 fee, which made it a no-brainer trip.

2) Lodging - When you land at your destination, you need to make a determination about where you are going to sleep. The options can vary from a 7 star hotel like the one seen below or staying with a friend.

Don't do that: Book upscale hotels right in the heart of where you want to be. Nice hotels in prime locations are going to cost you extra. Not only will you pay the nightly rate, but there is an expectation that you'll tip the staff. Based on my visit to Dubai a couple years back, I was told that the 7 star hotel's (pictured above) cheapest room runs about $500/night. Needless to say, I ended up staying at a $45/night hotel in a suite instead.

The just OK route: Book hotels in sub-prime locations or book a condo. If you don't mind commuting to where you want to be the sub-prime location hotels can save you a lot of money. There are quite a few bed and breakfasts in Europe outside major cities for $30/night or less. Just don't book so far out or in a dangerous area that your day is ruined by the commute or area. Renting a condo is another ok option, because they are usually cheaper than hotels and you don't have to worry about tipping the staff frequently.

On a side note, my trip to Hawaii in my senior year of college was during the off-peak season (April) and we didn't book any rooms in advance. None of the hotels filled up, so we negotiated better rates walking up than what was available on the internet. It was a hassle, but a money saver.

Better: Stay at hostels. If you prioritize a decent location and don't care about the quality of your accommodations, then go the hostel route. $30/night and less is easier to find at a hostel. Camping is even cheaper if you don't mind it. It's not really my preference, but if it's between not going on the trip and being frugal, I choose frugal.

Best: Stay with a friend. I realize that this isn't always possible, but it certainly provides the most savings if you can swing it. There are also couch surfing programs if you are extremely adventurous.

3) Transportation - All of my vacations have required some sort of transportation from the airport and to the places I want to go. Since you are away from home, you need to decide how you will get around without your personal car.

Don't do that: Take a taxi everywhere you want to go. You'll find that taxi drivers aren't universally honest and the chances of driving up your transportation costs is high. I have so many nightmare taxi stories that it's a wonder that I ever take a taxi again.

The just OK route: Hire a tour company to be your driver for the trip. In some lower cost of living countries, this actually is a way to save money and simultaneously have a translator without racking up taxi costs. I think we had a $100/day rate for this service in China for the 4 of us. Split 4 ways, this actually was dirt cheap.

Better: Rent a car. You can save some money while having 100% time flexibility for your trip. I calculated during my last trip to Italy that taking public transportation would have cost me the same as renting a car. Just make sure you have an upgraded GPS to give you directions and that you book an automatic if you can't drive a stick shift. Automatics are very rare in most countries and a bad GPS can take you places you don't expect.

Best: Get you friend to show you around and offer to pay their gas. Make sure you are close with your friend before you go before banking on them. Alternatively, stay in one city and use the local public transportation. The moment you go from city to city costs go way up. Surprisingly, in Europe flying may be the cheapest mode of transportation between major cities.

4) Food - Even though you are in another country or state, you still need to eat without a kitchen/refrigerator in most cases.

Don't do that: Eat at the hotel restaurant. After a long day, the easy thing to do is eat at your hotel restaurant because it's right there and they put it on your tab that you can square up when you check out. The problem is that it's almost always going to be more expensive than going out to find a cheaper option. If it looks anything like the restaurant above, be very careful.

The just OK route: Go to restaurants pointed out to you by hotel clerks. It was amazing to me that I was always funneled to restaurants that had the same costs as eating out in the U.S. ($10-$15 a plate) even though we were in a foreign country with a much lower standard of living. The locals working in the tourist industry have reciprocal agreements to send you to spend more money at higher end restaurants, so look at the menu before committing to eat there.

Better: Find restaurants where locals go. Buying food from local vendors on the street or restaurants that don't see many tourists were dramatically less expensive. There might be a language barrier, but you probably will save money.

Best: Buy your food from grocery stores. The cheapest option by far is to get your food from grocery stores and make your own meals. This can be very inconvenient, but you might be able to get by on less than $10/day versus the $30+/day for eating out for every meal.

5) Entrance fees - When you travel a long way, you end up in locations that require entrance fees. You should have already made the decision in advance if you are willing to pay it. Sometimes the fees are completely justified and other times the fees don't match the value of entering.

Either Pay the fees or don't: There are only two options here. Do your homework to determine whether paying the entrance fees are worth it.  Paying extra to go inside the Egyptian pyramids are not worth it, but paying the entrance fee to see Machu Picchu is. You don't want to regret making the wrong choice in retrospect.

Summary

There are literally thousands of money decisions you will make by traveling somewhere away from home. It's really easy to overspend and splurge while out of your comfort zone. Nonetheless, a disciplined traveler can get by on a shoestring budget if they are willing to make a few sacrifices and do their homework. You should follow an experienced traveler on your first trip to get the hang of which decisions lead to costlier paths versus the shoestring budget approach that doesn't require you to pay off credit cards when you get home.

Fitness mom controversy

Since this is such a big story this week, I wanted to weigh in on the Maria Kang controversy. For those of you who don’t know, she is a mother who posted a picture of herself in her workout gear alongside her three sons. Inexplicitly, the picture went viral with over 16 million views. Based on the photo, it’s safe to say that she’s at an elite fitness level.

 

It's an understatement to say that the reaction to her photo varied greatly. Although I doubt that I was intended to be in her target audience of viewing her photo, I viewed it along with the caption “What’s Your Excuse?" as being trying to motivate others almost like an advertisement to use her as a fitness trainer. The intent of why she posted the photo is more important than the photo itself in this case. Therefore, I viewed the photo in a positive light. There are a lot of inspirational photos with the same caption, so I think her intent was to show that with 3 kids you can still become elite at fitness. Here's a sample of one of those:

 

 

The online community didn’t react as positively as me. Instead, she got roughly a 7 to 1 ratio of negative to positive comments. The critics concluded that she is a “bully,” who was shaming women with bodies less fit than hers. She was accused of being a bad mother, called a braggart, and obnoxious.

 

I don't get the hate for the picture. Maria Kang has reached a pinnacle of success in fitness that can't be attained without some serious self-discipline and hard work while simultaneously balancing her duties as a mother. How can anyone criticize her for exercising elite stewardship over her own body particularly since they don't know anything about how she balances her fitness goals with the rest of her life responsibilities?  Her body is a culmination of thousands of little decisions day after day, week after week, and year after year of exercise and diet. That’s why it’s understandable that she’d be proud of her accomplishment.

 

I'll concede that Maria's fitness level is unattainable by the vast majority of women. There are genetics and health issues that make being as lean as her impossible even with maximum effort. Nevertheless, we shouldn't be measuring ourselves against Maria Kang in the first place, since she was born with innate gifts that not many people have. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to reach our potential, whatever level that may be.  I can't measure myself athletically against Usain Bolt, but that doesn't mean I don't want to see him reach his potential as a sprinter.

 

 

So if we aren't Usain Bolt or Maria Kang, then who are we? We are individuals each given stewardship over the innate gifts that we do have. Each of our bodies are unique, so why not just do the best we can to develop good exercise and eating habits aka things that are in our control.

 

We should not feel inadequate or frustrated because someone is at a higher level than us. What's more important is the amount of effort we exert to maximize the gifts we do have. We are all way too different to compare apples to apples so to speak.

 

In case you were wondering, Maria did issue a quasi apology. Of course, the apology spelled out more messages that likely won't resonate well with her haters. I personally am glad that she wasn't contrite as follows:

I'm sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way... What you interpret is not MY fault. It's Yours.The first step in owning your life, your body and your destiny is to OWN the thoughts that come out of your own head... With that said, obesity and those who struggle with health-related diseases is literally a 'bigger' issue than this photo.

I agree with her that personal responsibility is undervalued by our country. Many of the people that were critical of her photo are not exerting even a fraction of the amount of effort that Maria is. She doesn't watch tv and wakes up at 6 AM to help facilitate her time spent exercising. Even if she is a bit overzealous in trying to inspire others, I'll take her attitude over the haters any day of the week.