Rolling in the Deep

          What do Adele and Mitt Romney have in common? Adele sang a very popular song called “Rolling in the Deep” about her ex-boyfriend. Earlier this week, Mitt Romney gave a commencement speech to a college in Virginia wherein he told the graduates to “launch out into the deep” as encouragement to embrace every dimension of living that challenges you, educates you, and elevates you. Although their intentions were vastly different in using similar nautical metaphors, there are principles to be learned from both. 

          Rolling in the deep is an old way of saying that there is a ship sailing and being tossed back and forth in a very deep and dark ocean. It’s very likely that Adele imagined her ex-boyfriend in the depths of his despair feeling completely lost, alone, and at the mercy of the elements beyond his control. His boat could have looked something like this in her mind:

          That certainly doesn’t sound like a place you want to launch yourself into as Mitt Romney advocates, except there is another side to rolling in the deep that Adele didn’t cover in her song. In the big picture, it’s in the deep waters where the greatest growth, maturity, and wisdom are to be found. When you get into a valley of life i.e. when you are in the midst of some serious life altering adversity you eventually come out of it stronger and with a more mature view of the big picture. After spending some time in the deep waters, you may start to understand that the things that you stressed out over in the shallow waters were just a minor blip not worth thinking about.    

          Despite Adele’s refutations otherwise, if her ex-boyfriend is rolling in the deep over ending the relationship it may have a positive long-term effect on him. Maybe in the depths of his despair, he’ll recognize that he messed up and be wiser in his relationship patterns in the future. More than likely, however, his position of being in deep despair is likely exaggerated for the sake of the song.
          Launching yourself out into the deep is the intentional and purposeful going into the deep waters for the sake of self improvement and rewards unseen. This metaphor actually comes from the Bible. The fishermen were instructed by the Master to go into the deep waters after having spent hours upon hours in the shallow end catching no fish. When they went into the deep waters, their nets over flowed with fish.

 

          Several superheroes ended up in deep waters that assisted in their skill development. Batman launched himself into the deep waters by landing himself in a Bhutanese prison to hone his fighting skills. His reward unseen was meeting Henri Ducard who offered him additional training. Both Ironman (being held captive in a cave) and Green Arrow (being held captive on an island) ended up being launched into the deep against their wills, but it ended up being the turning point in their lives in coming back to civilization with a better life perspective and elite skills.   

          Metaphorically speaking, most people spend the majority of their lives in the shallow end of the sea, because it’s the path of least resistance and where things are less likely to go awry. There will be a time in both your personal life and career where you will probably be within your comfort zone on a regular basis. You get into a routine where life is comfortable wherein months and sometimes years go by with very little personal growth. Time spent in comfort and ease doesn't build you into a better person even if you are making progress towards retirement or other goals. 

         As a lifelong single, it’s easy to foster selfishness. Since you have no stewardship outside of yourself, you can devote the majority of your thoughts to fulfilling your own desires. Unfortunately, it’s very likely that your legacy will be that of a selfish person if that continues for a lifetime.  

         There is, of course, another path of sacrifice, doing things for others, and living for a purpose greater than yourself. To really launch yourself into the deep and get rewards unseen, you may have to throw away all biases, preconceived notions, and labels about yourself and jump into unchartered territory. There are some things that you can’t fully prepare yourself for no matter how hard you try. 

         What are some examples of launching yourself into the deep? 1) getting married, 2) having kids, 3) moving to a foreign country, 4) starting in a new career industry wherein you have little relevant experience, or 5) going into a rigorous field of study. There are probably numerous other things you can do wherein you will need to meet challenges that seem above what you are capable. Doing things that seem impossible at first can be a great stimulation to try harder. You will need to rise to the challenge or go back into shallow waters. The people that rise to the challenge end up with the greatest rewards and personal growth. 

         The two ventures that have challenged me the most in my life were 1) moving to Germany for two years to serve a volunteer church mission and 2) attending and graduating from law school. In moving to a foreign land, I had to pick up a new language, overcome the culture shock of moving from Minnesota to the outskirts of Berlin (along with moves to other cities: Schwerin, Magdeburg, Hellersdorf, and Eberswalde), and overcome shyness. I estimated that I talked to over 10,000 people during the two years there. I stretched myself in ways that I never would have if I had chosen not to go. Most importantly, my confidence to do other things later in life increased. We'll discuss the challenges of law school in a future post. By embarking and finishing these two ventures, I am not afraid of big challenges. Although I prepared for each of those experiences a little bit, it wasn’t until I jumped into the deep waters that the real growth happened. Here's a picture of one of the cities I stayed in:

 

        Marriage is another life event that you can't adequately prepare for. Our generation is scared of marriage for a variety of reasons, but the main one is that it's a clear launch into the deep waters of life. Many marriages fail. It’s a scary proposition that there is a chance that you’ll be emotionally invested 100% into your marriage and it will fail no matter how many precautions you take. There is nothing that adequately prepares you for the challenges of marriage. On the other hand, being happily married trumps being single by a wide a wide margin…so I hear. (I've never been married) 

         I was on a plane ride earlier this week and struck up a conversation with the guy next to me. It was clear to me that he is successful in his career, had great capacity to do many different things, and someone who is clearly a deep thinker. As we talked about politics, the state of the economy, and other issues he noted to me that he can’t justify bringing a kid into this world with so many uncertainties even though he has a girlfriend who wants to get married. I must admit that I don't understand his mindset at all even though I agreed with his concerns about the uncertainty of the future. Having grown up in a family of eight children, I can’t imagine what would have been if my parents were too scared to have children. I’m sure there were times when my parents didn’t know how they would support so many kids, but they had faith and moved forward into deep waters. Now that we are adults, they must have a sense of fulfillment.  

        My favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan, explains what it’s like to have four kids. After having three kids, he says it feels like you’re drowning and then someone throws you a baby…Jim was, of course, exaggerating but there is a kernel of truth to his statement. Having kids is way over many parents’ heads, but they somehow manage and find great fulfillment. 

        If you do something so grandiose in challenging your capacity that you struggle to keep your ship afloat as the waves comes crashing against it, you will get stronger for the next storm. Every storm that you survive prepares you psychologically for the next one. You may need this strength later in life when a big storm comes along that really tests your mettle. 

        The principle of being tested and getting stronger isn’t limited to life altering circumstances. Your honesty and character may get tested in smaller ways preparing you for the test of your life that challenges the principles you live by. There was a guy that found $120K in the trash last year. He was poor and yet he turned the money in. I imagine that he had passed several smaller tests of honesty and character before being confronted with a deep water decision. You don't build character overnight. It's one small decision at a time even in the shallow waters.
        Even if you are hanging out in the shallow waters, there's still a possibility that you'll get launched into the deep waters without you doing it yourself. There is adversity that can hit in seemingly random ways such as having major health issues or losing loved ones to death or having financial problems. You may end up rolling in the deep completely unprepared and without warning. It will be hard psychologically, but you will survive and it will shape you as a person.

        The strength that you get through rolling in the deep will likely be a source of strength for others who are weak and trying to keep their ships afloat. You’ll be wiser, stronger, and more mature making you a person with a better big picture radar than most others. Launching yourself into the deep and rolling for a while makes for the most interesting and strongest people I know. It's not a bad place if you value personal development.