Triumphing over the Valleys of Life

          One of the things that makes life interesting is that we can't see the end from the beginning. In our youth, many of us fantasize about winning the lottery and living a blissful life of comfort and ease. While it would seem that a life devoid of work and toil would be in our best interest looking forward, many elderly people I've met are grateful for the adversity they faced and the work they accomplished in their lives because it ultimately became the catalyst for gaining character and maturity. 

          Let's check in with the unlikeliest of sources, former President Richard Nixon, to get his take:

“Greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.”

           Who knew that Nixon had such wisdom? Let's face it, life is hard. We are forced to work and do things that we would rather avoid, but making sacrifices and putting our wants on the back burner is ultimately good for us. Similarly, dealing with adversity usually helps us in the long run more than it hurts us. In fact, no pain that we suffer and no trial that we experience is wasted. It builds up our character and makes us more charitable and assists in the development of empathy towards others who are suffering. Said another way, we can more easily relate to adversity and pain felt by others thereby making it more likely that we will be motivated to help them in their darkest hours of need. 

          Think of the story of Shelley Mann. At the age of six she was diagnosed with Polio, which was a horrific disease in the early and mid 20th century often ravaging the body leading to paralysis and even death of its victims. As the years went by, polio took a significant toll on Shelley both physically and psychologically. She gradually lost the power to move her fingers and toes, her arms and her legs. Her parents were getting desperate to try and fight the effects of the awful disease as she continued on a downhill slide towards paralysis. At age 10, they brought her to a hospital pool to try a different kind of therapy. At first, she could not even hold up her arms. In fact, she was three months behind every other polio victim trying the same therapy. When she finally lifted her arm out of the water with her own power, she cried for joy. Then her goal was to swim the width of the pool, then the length, then several lengths. She kept on trying, swimming, enduring, day after day after day, year after year until she became one of the greatest swimmers in history and ended up winning the gold medal for the butterfly stroke—one of the most difficult of all swimming strokes. Here's a picture of her on the medal stand in the center:

            In Shelley's case, it's unlikely that she would have had the passion for swimming without having contracted polio. I don't know how her life would have evolved without the adversity, but it definitely would not have been the same. Her accomplishments are that much more impressive considering the adversity she overcame to get there. It was no wonder that she cried on the medal stand after receiving her gold medal taking into account her journey from the deepest valley of being almost paralyzed to the highest mountaintop of becoming the world's best. Her experience of making it to top of the mountain was much more meaningful than the other athletes who never experienced the same valley of life that she experienced.

            In reality, every person on the planet will experience low points i.e. valleys of life. I should point out that some adversity we will face is entirely our fault, some adversity appears to be completely random, and some adversity is a combination of both. Even if you are 100% to blame for creating the adverse life conditions, there is no value in beating yourself up for it. You have to be forward looking to get back onto higher ground and overcome the adversity.  You will, of course, want to learn from your actions that lead to the adverse conditions, but it is better analyzed in the light of the rear view mirror. 

          I take the position that all the choices I make and their consequences are essential to my journey in life. I don't have time to wallow and feel bad about things that I can't change about the past. Aisha Tyson summed up the perfect mindset like this: “Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now, and now is right on time.” 

            Here are some examples of some common types of adversity:

           

Getting laid off or fired

Wanting to get married and being unable to do so

Desiring to have children and being unable to do so

Having a difficult time making friends

Being in a bad marriage

Going through a divorce or breaking up from a serious relationship

Losing a friend or relative to death or over a quarrel

Getting seriously injured or contracting a disease or illness

Being humiliated in front of your peer group or in front of a random audience

Having your life's work negatively critiqued
Struggling financially

Feeling immense guilty for doing something against your conscience

            That certainly isn't a comprehensive list of types of adversity, but it is a list that probably we can all relate to on some level. To get back to a mountaintop, you must climb! Climbing is replacing what you lost or letting time heal your emotional, physical, and/or psychological scars or taking affirmative steps to overcome your issue. In certain circumstances, there is no remedy except to change your attitude in dealing with it. You don't always have control over what happens to you, but you do have control over how you react to what happens to you.

           I read a story this week about a young man who had his name published in his high school yearbook with the word "freak" next to his name. That could be some devastating adversity! At that age, you are trying to fit in and that's what he'll best be known for his remaining 3 years of high school. To his credit the boy had this to say in dealing with it: "I'm just going to act like it never happened. If anyone says something to me, I'm going to ignore it." The circumstance was beyond his control, but he has decided to not let it bother him. By doing so, he showed maturity beyond his years. His story isn't over, but let's hope he is strong enough psychologically to overcome this adversity.. 

          Marvin Ashton summarized the correct mindset this way:

What we do with what happens to us is more important than what happens to us…The direction in which we are moving is more important than place or situation. We may have stumbled or been grievously hurt, but we have not fallen if we are willing to get back up.

         I don't believe in "random" adversity nor do I see adversity as a punishment from above. In contrast, it is a teaching tool to allow you to become a better person. It often isn't known until years later why the adversity was useful to you, but sometimes your biggest trials end up becoming the greatest events that could have happened to you. When you reach the next phase of life and can look back at your darkest time, you may find that it lead you to a better suited opportunity that you would not have obtained had the adversity not knocked you off the path you were on.
          For an example of not knowing that adversity is sometimes a blessing in disguise meet Stacey Kramer who explains the positives of having a brain tumor:

           Nobody on the planet wants a brain tumor. However, Stacey recognized that her adversity helped her gain a new perspective and grow an appreciation for when life is going smoothly. Although you don't know what lies ahead in your own life, you will undoubtedly have some peaks and valleys. Just remember that if you end up on in a deep and dark valley, it will make your inevitable moment on the highest mountaintop in your life that much sweeter. You will be able to look down into the valley and appreciate the beauty of the journey you just took to get there, so hold on and endure through your valley of life.